We've all been there with that one person that manages to make every interaction with them a slightly awkward dive into self doubt, self judgment and generally less fun and joy than before you interacted with them. But how do you handle toxic people around you during the holidays when families, friends and colleagues get together more often than usual?
Here are my top tips for dealing with toxic people so you can still have a fun time and be happy, whether everyone else around you is or not!
Everything is an interesting point of view.
This phrase is magical when you say it to yourself with regards to everything pertaining to the toxic people in your life. So often people who are trying to bring everyone down do so in ways that are designed to get a reaction, whether it's in resistance to them or in agreement with them. The sure way to deal with this and make sure that you remain cool, calm and collected is not to react. Instead of holding your breath, or counting to ten, or tolerating the person, say to yourself 'interesting point of view this person has this point of view. What an interesting point of view that I have this point of view about this person. And what an interesting point of view this person has about me/the conversation/the world'. This basically takes you out of being at the effect of their points of view, and into a space of peace and calm.
If anything is heavy, it's not you!
Just because someone sucks the life out of a conversation, an idea or a party, doesn't mean that whatever you feel when you're around that person is what is going on for you. It's the energy that person is giving off and the vibe they are bringing to the world in that moment. It is not you! So if you are happy and then when someone else arrives you're suddenly cranky and in a bad mood for no reason, ask yourself... 'is this me? or is this my awareness of where this person is functioning from?' And be willing to know that if anything is stuck or heavy in your world, it's not necessarily part of who you inherently are, it's just something you (or the people around you) have going on at that moment.
Choose different every 10 seconds.
Have you ever seen the way a child functions and the way they are able to jump from activity to activity in the shortest increments of time without a thought about having to do something for a long period of time? Applying this technique of choosing something different every 10 seconds will allow you to get out of feeling stuck in pretty much any situation. If you are getting down from the toxic people around you, instead of concluding that you're down, and this is so difficult, or I am not having fun when this person is around, instead start practising choosing every 10 seconds. Ask yourself 'if I were being me in the next 10 seconds, what would I choose?' and after those 10 seconds are up ask yourself 'if I had 10 seconds to live the rest of my life, what would I choose?' and after those 10 seconds are up ask 'if I were having fun for the next 10 seconds, what would I choose?'. The more you do this the more you will regain a sense of you and who knows... you may even choose to be happier!
So there it is! There is no reason for anyone to be unhappy unless they are choosing it. And there is no reason for you to be at the effect of the toxic people around you... happiness is just a choice away.
These tools are from Access Consciousness, find out many more tools like this at accessconsciousness.com.